I went Paleo today

Let’s see how long it lasts this time, shall we? *eyeroll*  It just makes me feel better when I eat this way, even though it is difficult to keep doing this for any length of time. Mostly due to my own lack of planning. Aiming for a soft launch this go-round.

Lunch today is half a mug of taco meat, olives, green onions and some yummy tomatoes, left overs from the pot luck yesterday. I’ve got a bag of snap peas and some grapefruit ahead and I’ve eaten a bag of carrots so far. I’m already fighting the sugar cravings and its accompanying headache and I don’t think this food will set that aside but man, the only way through it is straight ahead, right?

Right.

Feeling unravellish, kinda like linen.

iTunes has rebuilt itself, it claims. I’m downloading the new iTunes right now; I wonder if the old one will automatically go away or if there will be some integration or what might happen. I don’t want both on my system, I suppose. Oh! Speaking of apple products, I think I want a new iphone for Christmas. They have iphone 4 for free right now; should I get it for myself? Or ask my family to provide me with the 4S, which is only $49 online? I have a trade-in credit due me. So does Ginny on her phone…humm….

I’ve just about got an underdress finished for Her Majesty for Saturday. I want to bind the seams up; some linens are determined to unravel as fast as they can once you cut into them. This OL019 is almost dissolving. Nasty. Then I get to start several projects in lovely wool and silk! I think I want a new outfit for 12th Night. Van wants to go! He’s asked me to go with him, which kinda astounds me but I’m glad he wants to go see Iggy and Lucy on the Stellar Thrones at least once.

Things are better inside my head tonight. I’m surprised.

Anyway, I’m going to clean up these seams and then iron this dress and go on to bed and read SQL theory! The book came! Twenty four lessons, each an ‘hour’ long but really only 10-15 pages each; if I don’t fall asleep first, I should have the first one read tonight. Although after a four-hour night last night, not sure I will get through even that short bit of reading. Sheer determination to get this dress so it won’t unravel off her while Liz is moving through her day drives me; I’ll knit myself back together with a nice snooze here in a bit.

Laters!

 

 

 

 

Insomnia, Shire meeting recap and some important news

Good morning! It’s 3 am, do you know where the Sandman is? I’ve been tossing and turning for over an hour now and I finally decided that drifting in and out of twilight-sleep was silly. My brain won’t shut up anyway, might as well get up for a bit. I won’t be up at 5 am to workout today, though.

Rachel and I wrapped up some tedious steps to the LSTA grant project yesterday. While I can use SQL to copy over the 94 libraries into this particular table that is linked to the profile of each of them, and which controls certain views in the catalog, the process still needs someone to go in to each library’s profile and tweet the values a bit. MUCH better than having to enter them all manually, though. We worked on that and then went out to lunch to plan Project Peter Rabbit. You’ll hear more about PPR in coming weeks. It’s going to be fun!

The shire meeting went well, plus I got lots of good chattering with people I don’t see very often. Iggy has himself a knee scooter and the confidence to play – he came rolling into the meeting at a fair speed and that was really good to see. It amused me. Another thing that amused me was almost everyone’s reaction to seeing one of Hazellyn’s gifts, which I’ve got to share even though it means Ginny will find out early. Well…no. I can’t. Remind me to tell you after Christmas, OK?

I was home by 8, starving as I’d stayed at SELCO to write personal emails rather than find good food. Maybe eating that late has contributed to me being up here now, pounding on a keyboard, huh? I wanted to get PPR started up, there was an email to Oronoco City Council that needed to be finally written, good reasons and more. That tiny bowl of soup seems to have been just enough to feed the monster in side of my head.

So here is the important news – I know when Ginny and Shane are bringing Hazellyn  up to see me! They travel on the 27th and are staying for two whole days! I took that Friday off work; I am pretty sure there will be a lot of hugging and rocking going on and lots of pictures. Isn’t that wonderful news? I can’t wait.

Well, chatter-brain or not, I have got to try to get back to sleep. I don’t have any Sleepy-Time tea and a shot of whiskey at what is now 3:30 am is not smart, I suppose. I got this bit of an update done, journaled, surfed, caught up on FB, maybe have bored the brain-weasels back to sleep now. Let’s go find out, shall we?

And so today I again…

Renew my determination to live this day treating others as I want to be treated. I am putting on my big girl panties. My smile, my courtesy and honesty along with my workout clothes this morning. An imaginary cloak of optimism over it all cause a real one would get n the way of the treadmill. I am going to find my shoes and get e heart rate up; won’t hurt and usually helps.

Well *that* was no fun

I was driving home from a site visit today and singing along to the radio since I forgot my ipod. Had a flashback come out of nowhere in particular. I pulled over safely and just stood by the side of the road for awhile, shaking. Breathed. Vomited. Waved at a good Samaritan that was slowing down to go on, move along, nothing to see here.

This is how I felt:

From http://www.flickr.com/photos/aparatodesigns/2692618359/

That is NOT how the SELCO van looked, btw.

Went back to work. Forgot to leave, which is funniness all on its own.

I am NOT complaining about the actions of my coworkers – I looked normal and acted normal after I got back. And I’ve really flip-flopped about writing this blog post and then whether or not to send it off into networks but I think there is a reason to me telling this story.

So, why I am over-sharing here is this: how do you know what sort of burdens another person is carrying around? How can you know how you are affecting someone else? Grabbing this from the Dr. Who Meme:

The weeping angel you called ugly? She can’t even look at herself in the mirror. See that unemotional Cybermen? He used to be one of us. The Oods that you make fun of? They get treated as slaves everyday.

This is funny to read and a bit weird to have resonating with me – bullying is horrible. PTSD is horrible. Cancer, death, poverty, struggling against despair… and you know what? We all have burdens. Yeah, you knew that. None of us adults are living a perfect world. So we suck it up and go on. What is bugging me is that not that I had this experience but because it’s not a pretty condition I can’t show overly-visible scars – socially induced PTSD is viewed differently than battle induced PTSD – it’s not one of those injuries you can show off and feel confident that you will be supported. The tremendous lack of trust of everyone on this god-forsaken earth is a fight I fight right now and I expect it to be met with displeasure and disapproval – I do. I totally do not approve of how I feel; that keeps me balanced and working on things, you know?

I just wish people were a bit friendlier to each other.

There are no points to be earned by being snotty or superior. No points for being overly-sweetly-concerned and huggy either cause frankly we can all tell those are pretty much faux, too. It would just be helpful if we treated people like we want to be treated, like we are all humans down here. Cause we are. There are no scales, no spandexed dealers of justice, just humans.

So I guess my point is: Be Excellent to Each Other and it’ll be OK.

I still need to go put away dinner – soup takes a while to cool down.

 

Branding and iconic people

The Bloggess sent me to this page where I first see Weird Al and Nathan Fillion on the same page and if that’s not mind-blowing enough, the page is really a screenshot of The_Real_Pope unhappy because Twitter objected to his behavior. I went on to his twitter feed and was vaguely amused and followed him on the chance that he goes on being funny.

Seeing those four iconic beings on one page reminded  me of an article I’d marked for rereading – this is a book review for Authentocracy in America by Sarah Banet-Weiser. Reviewer Paul Ford says “We live in a branded world doing branded things and thinking branded thoughts” and these four people have strong brands attached to their professional work and images. Never am I tricked into thinking that the brands are the people themselves.  Just like me, they are playing roles. Just like me, they are a mixture of brand and brand-loyalty; sometimes we ride the brand, sometimes the brand rides us. Banet-Weiser wrote her book to help us “find the halfway point between this so-called infantilizing commerce and the world of the authentic and real”, says Ford, and this is a point I need to readdress in myself. Not so much for the commercial branding but maybe for the stereotypical branding. Every so often I just need to shake myself all over and take a good look at what stereotypes I have fallen into.

One of them, frankly, is ‘afraid of big words and theories’ woman. Is that a real stereotype or is that just part of the infantile sliding? I read this article and then had to read parts of it again; Ford is not really using too many big words nor is he drawing us along into argumentative splits and seques. I should have no problem following his thoughts – I blame FaceBook and LOLCats and journalistic entertainment and deny any responsibility; nevertheless, I’ve already started changing my reading. It’s a place to start.

I am eager to take on the branding of ‘middle-aged woman going back for her master’s degree.’ And am bashfully proud of how my head is responding to the branding of “grandmother!”  Not sure if either are going to be useful branding for this website, though! That’s one of those annoying things hanging out in the back of my head…seriously I have not yet identified my blog’s brand, obviously a bit wobbly for my personal brand and so certainly I am vulnerable to following other brands, other stereotypes. So anyway, go read, that article explains things much better than I can…and that’s OK!

 

Making Christmas

First day for me! I might have bought stuff but I’ve not done any decorating yet or planning. Step one was dragging all the boxes from the attic and down stairs; I’m getting smaller boxes for repacking. It’s not just that it’s a steep stair but that it’s suspended and kinda wobbly. Ack!