I was driving home from a site visit today and singing along to the radio since I forgot my ipod. Had a flashback come out of nowhere in particular. I pulled over safely and just stood by the side of the road for awhile, shaking. Breathed. Vomited. Waved at a good Samaritan that was slowing down to go on, move along, nothing to see here.
This is how I felt:
That is NOT how the SELCO van looked, btw.
Went back to work. Forgot to leave, which is funniness all on its own.
I am NOT complaining about the actions of my coworkers – I looked normal and acted normal after I got back. And I’ve really flip-flopped about writing this blog post and then whether or not to send it off into networks but I think there is a reason to me telling this story.
So, why I am over-sharing here is this: how do you know what sort of burdens another person is carrying around? How can you know how you are affecting someone else? Grabbing this from the Dr. Who Meme:
The weeping angel you called ugly? She can’t even look at herself in the mirror. See that unemotional Cybermen? He used to be one of us. The Oods that you make fun of? They get treated as slaves everyday.
This is funny to read and a bit weird to have resonating with me – bullying is horrible. PTSD is horrible. Cancer, death, poverty, struggling against despair… and you know what? We all have burdens. Yeah, you knew that. None of us adults are living a perfect world. So we suck it up and go on. What is bugging me is that not that I had this experience but because it’s not a pretty condition I can’t show overly-visible scars – socially induced PTSD is viewed differently than battle induced PTSD – it’s not one of those injuries you can show off and feel confident that you will be supported. The tremendous lack of trust of everyone on this god-forsaken earth is a fight I fight right now and I expect it to be met with displeasure and disapproval – I do. I totally do not approve of how I feel; that keeps me balanced and working on things, you know?
I just wish people were a bit friendlier to each other.
There are no points to be earned by being snotty or superior. No points for being overly-sweetly-concerned and huggy either cause frankly we can all tell those are pretty much faux, too. It would just be helpful if we treated people like we want to be treated, like we are all humans down here. Cause we are. There are no scales, no spandexed dealers of justice, just humans.
So I guess my point is: Be Excellent to Each Other and it’ll be OK.
I still need to go put away dinner – soup takes a while to cool down.