This is a pretty timely post to share with the holidays coming up. While this author is responding directly to an issue of dealing with one of the aftermaths of rape and abuse, I think her words are good ones for people dealing with any damaging trama from any relationship.
You have to make choices that respect and heal you. I hope you can make this holiday season the one you politely take care of yourself.
However, there’s stuff in this article that is really good. This paragraph harks back to something that just pisses me off, though. Do not ask anyone to ‘stifle it’ …well, the author says it better than I do:
But so often, “creating drama” is a phrase that people use when they want someone who has been a victim of something to shut up. It allows them to blame the victim for bringing the problem to their attention and making them feel bad while glossing over the fact that the drama was really created by the victimizER back when they did bad things. The friend group gets all caught up in issues of “fairness” and “logic” and “It was so long ago, why are you dredging it all up now?” and treating the victim’s feelings (or, again, quite rational & reasonable request to not have to sit next to one’s rapist at dinner) as illogical and unreasonable.
Sorry if this is a downer of a post. I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days now and on the chance it reaches someone who needs it, I’m posting.